HERACLES KARPUSI: Unit Guide and Owner's Manual
by in.the.pursuit.of.snark
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You, yes you, are now the proud owner of the lo and behold HERACLE KARPUSI unit! Any injuries sustained from his "Hellas Punch" are not the responsibility of the FLYING MINT BUNNY. co., just a friendly reminder. We have displaced this manual as a guide to ensure you'll make it all the way through with your soon-to-be-beloved HERACLES KARPUSI unit!


**A/N: I took bits and pieces from another Greece manual I saw, but I tried to keep most of the content here original. (also, Turkey x Greece bias hurr durr *gets shot*) Enjoy!**

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**HERACLES KARPUSI: User Guide and Manual**

CONGRATULATIONS! You, yes you, are now the proud owner of the lo and behold HERACLES KARPUSI unit! Any injuries sustained from his "Hellas Punch" are not the responsibility of the FLYING MINT BUNNY. co., just a friendly reminder. We have displaced this manual as a guide to ensure you'll make it all the way through with your soon-to-be-beloved HERACLES KARPUSI unit, with both your sanity and body intact! Just remember to follow all instructions thoroughly and carefully, and soon, you and your HERACLES KARPUSI unit will be the bestest of friends! (Or not, depending on how you actually act towards him.)

**Technical Specifications:**

Name: Heracles Karpusi. Will respond to "Greece", "Kitty Lover", "Elláda", "Girisha", "Feta Bread", and "FUCKING PUSSY BASTARD".

Age: 25

Height: 5'10

Place of Manufacture: Athens, Greece

Weight: It depends on how much sleep he gets and how often he finds himself in a brawl with a SADIK ADNAN unit.

Length: This Trojan horse is up and out of here.

**Your HERACLES KARPUSI unit comes with the following accessories:**

One (1) brown military uniform, jacket and pants.

Two (2) t-shirts (One white, one teal)

Three (3) KITTY units

One (1) white beret

One (1) white toga

Two (2) pairs of black boots

One (1) Fustanella outfit

One (1) bigass** cross**

**Programming:**

Your HERACLES KARPUSI unit comes equipped with the following traits:

Greek Chef: Like most units, the HERACLES KARPUSI unit is well versed in cooking his home country's cuisine. Send him down to the nearest Greek restaurant and he'll be raking in both dough and leftovers! (Any requests for Turkish cuisine, however, will send him into a terribly cross mood.)

Track Athlete: Greece, after all, did create the Olympics. Any event, from javelin to disk, is yours! (Any SADIK ADNAN units that are within your HERACLES KARPUSI'S eye range will most likely suffer some sort of damage from said javelin/disk.)

Male Prostitute: Your HERACLES KARPUSI unit is great at things like this! (I mean, Greece ranked first in sex frequency, right?) He'll usually top, and if his customers don't want to bang, instead, chat, he's skilled at that as well. (Warning- Said clients may be agitated from his tendency to doze off during conversation or sex)

Philosopher: Your HERACLES KARPUSI unit is the heir of his mother's great philosophies! While few may actually understand what the heck he's talking about, he'll still be able to rake in dough and followers for his new movement!

Archaeologist: Having inherited his mother's artifacts and a talent for finding them, your HERACLES KARPUSI unit is in the perfect position to pursue a career here! He'll find Atlantis or some other lost city, granted! (Warning- he has a habit of sleeping on any ancient structures he finds, a heads up)

**Removal of your HERACLES KARPUSI unit from packaging:**

Your HERACLES KARPUSI is a very laidback person. So laidback, it's near impossible to jolt him into a life threatening mode. The problem is, it's really hard to wake him up. So to remedy this, we have provided a list of ways that have shown to be effective in waking your HERACLES KARPUSI unit.

1\. Sing or play the Greek national anthem. He will not awaken until it's completely done, so we suggest playing the anthem from recorder of sorts, for the anthem is notoriously long and that HERACLES KARPUSI units show a habit of lecturing you for an insane amount of time if you mispronounce anything. You can reprogram him after he's done lecturing though.

2\. Activate all three KITTY units. He should wake up, but if not, allow the cats to purr and mew on his face. Allow him to play with the kitties for a while and then, ONLY THEN, you can reprogram him.

3\. Bring in a KIKU HONDA UNIT, a POLIS ALEXOPOULOS unit (Cyprus), GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit, or a SADIK ADNAN unit. Your HERACLES KARPUSI unit will respond positively to the first two and ambivalently to the third. The former three are more preferable, for the latter will often wake your unit into an irritated mood which may create a battle that will leave behind several bruises and pieces of broken furniture. You're free to reprogram your unit after the scuffle though.

4\. Kick the box suddenly. A huge cross should burst out of the box, shattering the cover, and your HERACLES KARPUSI unit should calmly strike the first thing he sees. Once he realizes that the threat is gone, he should apologize for his behavior and clean up any messes he made.

**Reprogramming**

After you have awakened your HERACLES KARPUSI unit, hopefully without obtaining any new injuries, you will be able to reprogram him into the following modes-

_Mild (default)_

_Sleepyhead (default)_

_Impatient_

_Somber_

_Impish_

_Greek War for Independence (locked)_

_Aroused (locked)_

_Mild_ and _Sleepyhead_ are your HERACLES KARPUSI unit's default modes. In _Mild_, your unit will not really respond to most of what you say. He will simply nod as a response, unless you're insulting him. He may turn cold or vengeful if you get carried away. In _Sleepyhead_, your unit will look like he's half awake and sleep when he feels like it; HERACLES KARPUSI units are well known for falling asleep at the strangest of times. One customer reportedly went to a construction site with her unit and he almost fell asleep next to a stone driller working at top speed.

_Impatient_ is quite amusing. It's usually activates if something or someone manages to irritate your HERACLES KARPUSI unit enough to make him agitated but not enough to make him throttle them. In this mode, your unit will be a grumpy (adorable) mess and will wait for no one, like the name suggests. He will peevishly remark on anything and everything and blushes easily. Basically, think of a LOVINO VARGAS unit's personality but more adorable and childish. If you want some uke fanservice and your HERACLES KARPUSI unit is a relationship, be sure to install cameras in the bedroom for tonight. This mode will usually deactivate after two days, four tops. Until then, enjoy.

In _Somber_, your beloved, easygoing unit will be no more. Wide awake and mature, he will openly distrust any strange looking people and question any out-of-place occurrence. He will keep a close eye on all of your house's inhabitants and stay awake into the wee hours of the night on the porch with his more-dangerous-than-you'd-expect cross. This mode usually activates when something extremely serious or acute happens or is made clear. Unless the issue is resolved, you'll need to reprogram him forcefully, usually with the help of a KIKU HONDA unit. And it won't be easy.

_Impish_ is exactly as it sounds. Your HERACLES KARPUSI unit will play pranks all over the house, plot grand schemes against you, and tease (seductively or not) any units he happens to meet. This mode is usually activated from many situations. The most common are: suppressed feelings for someone, spending lots and lots of happy time with his kitties, or hanging around a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT or FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit for too long. This will aggravate a SADIK ADNAN unit to no ends, so one way to deactivate it is to unleash a _Forceful_ SADIK ADNAN on him. (Any injuries acquired to your HERACLES KARPUSI unit is yours to deal with)

_Greek War for Independence_ you unit's first locked mode. Your unit will no longer be the amiable and carefree cat lover he was, but instead, he will be cold, harsh, and attempt to maim any SADIK ADNAN units he sees. The SADIK ADNAN unit will most likely return this act of violence with his sword, especially if the SADIK ADNAN unit is in _Ottoman Empire_. Your HERACLES KARPUSI unit will look paler and will often carry more injuries that normal; if you have earned his care and respect, he will fiercely defend you and other loved ones from anything that seems like a threat. This mode usually unlocks after prolonged status in _Somber_, but owners have reported HERACLES KARPUSI units switching into this mode after hearing a loved one was seriously injured.

_Aroused_ your unit's last locked mode, which honestly is a little terrifying. This mode has been known to trigger after excessive exposure to a FRANCIS BONNEFOY unit or watching a really, really intense porno. (It also doesn't have to be a porno...) This mode may be great if you want your HERACLES KARPUSI unit to go into the Male Prostitute profession, but it may not be so enjoyable to actually be around him. In this mode, your HERACLES KARPUSI unit will openly make lewd glances and seduction attempts and hump anything that has legs (this 'anything that has legs' includes KIKU HONDA units, IVAN BRAGINSKY units, and POLIS ALEXOPOULOS units) and reportedly, without legs. There have been rare instances where owners have spotted their HERACLES KARPUSI units dry humping a life size blow up doll. While a HERACLES KARPUSI unit will not hump a SADIK ADNAN unit, your unit will still suggestively tease him. (Possibly a little groping there as well) The SADIK ADNAN unit will either react turned on, or terrified. There have been accounts of SADIK ADNAN units fainting from blood loss though extreme nosebleeds. But there's some awesome fanservice to be found there. Set up cameras if you're into that kind of stuff.

**Relationships with Other Units**

Your HERACLES KARPUSI gets along with most units, but the following four are the ones that he has the closest ties with:

KIKU HONDA: These two get along splendidly well, bonding over a love of scenery and kitties. They see each other as close friends, but if you want something 'more' than that, 'accidently' lock them up together in a room. If any romantic advances are made, a relationship will bloom quickly. However, if you try to force a KIKU HONDA into a relationship with your HERACLES KARPUSI unit before such arrangements are made, the KIKU HONDA will become quite flustered with your pleads. The KIKU HONDA unit is also quite infamous for being the cause of many fights between the HERACLES KARPUSI unit and the SADIK ADNAN unit; most of the time escalating into a bone-breaking, furniture-obliterating fight.

SADIK ADNAN: As mentioned throughout this manual, your HERACLES KARPUSI unit despises SADIK ADNAN. These two fight over anything and everything. Any encounters between the two will result in a fight/argument, so if you do happen to bump into your neighbor's SADIK ADNAN unit, try tango-ing your HERACLES KARPUSI unit out of arm range. (Both units will start dancing, no matter what they're doing, when they hear music, thankfully) There's a (very) small window for a true, healthy relationship here, believe it or not, but most of the time it'll end in a brief, physical, one night stand filled with hot hate sex (Putting up cameras is highly suggested). Or one of them will be killed by the other before anything even happens. Yeah, that could also happen.

POLIS ALEXOPOULOS: POLIS ALEXOPOULOS units look up to your unit as a guardian figure of sorts. However, since POLIS ALEXOPOULOS units are usually caught between the arguments your HERACLES KARPUSI unit has with SADIK ADNAN units, the POLIS ALEXOPOULOS unit is often exasperated with HERACLES KARPUSI's hostile behavior towards SADIK ADNAN. If your HERACLES KARPUSI unit ends up in a rare relationship with a SADIK ADNAN unit, expect lots of thanks from any nearby POLIS ALEXOPOULOS units for making them stop bicker. No romance exists here since they purely see each other as father-son of sorts. Like stated before, HERACLES KARPUSI units will have no qualms about humping any POLIS ALEXOPOULO units in _Aroused_ mode.

GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN: Having met through their mothers, these two share a long history together. They both saw Rome as a parental figure and had to endure living in under SADIK ADNAN during his Ottoman years. That being said, these two go way back and see each other as brothers. HERACLES KARPUSI even admires GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN for kicking SADIK ADNAN's ass in the former's Muhammad Ali period. Since they see each other as close brothers, getting the two to fuck will be somewhat difficult. But if enough "moves" (if you catch our drift) are made, a beautiful romance will bloom quickly. Any nearby SADIK ADNAN units will try their best to sabotage this relationship, however.

**Cleaning**

Your unit can clean himself well enough. He will not mind bathing with you at all and won't rape you in the tub, unless in Aroused mode. Be cautious about playing around with him though. If you play too hard, he might take as an open invitation to start WWIII. Only in a bathtub.

**Feeding**

HERACLES KARPUSI loves to eat and is quite the chef actually. He won't complain about cooking you a meal, too. (Note- If there are any SADIK ADNAN units fasting for Ramadan close by, your unit might take this as a chance to mock him by seductively eating his favorite sweets in front of his face. Any major blood loss the SADIK ADNAN unit suffers is yours to deal with.)

**Rest**

Your HERACLES KARPUSI unit has no other sleep schedule besides "sleep when tired". Don't try to fight this**.**

**FAQ**

Q: The KITTY units are spazzing out and so is my unit!

A: They probably want some attention/food/water/sex-with-other-cats-since-all-of-three-are-guys. If you fulfill their needs, both the Kitties and your HERACLES KARPUSI unit should go back to normal.

Q: My unit's been agitated for the last few days. I thought he was in some other mode but he's emptying my drink rack! He's also majorly depressed and doesn't look too good. (bruises, cuts, etc...)

A: CONGRATULATIONS! You have unlocked your HERACLES KARPUSI's hidden _Greek Civil War_ mode! While we're not sure what causes it, your unit will suffer from major depression in this mode because infighting and turmoil in his country during that period. He will switch from being a depressed piece of cloth to an aggressive, grumpy soldier in a somewhat bi-polar fashion. Any nearby SADIK ADNAN units will remain quiet if a HERACLES KARPUSI unit is nearby, thankfully. Call for a KIKU HONDA unit on _Samurai_ mode or a GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN unit on _Clingy_ mode to resolve it. If that doesn't work, call one of our engineers in and they'll fix the problem.

Q: I've set up cameras like suggested, but someone keeps on taking them away!

A: Do have any ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY units nearby? She might be taking down the cameras and keeping it for her own yaoi collection. If you really want the footage, find her and politely ask to borrow them.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: Instead of getting a sleepy man in a tan military outfit, you've received a sulky kid in a toga who swears at you in Greek. He flies into a rage everytime "Ottoman Empire" is mentioned.

Solution: Whoops! We must have sent you a Little! Greece. Since he is under Ottoman control at this time, he has only two modes, Somber and Impatient. He will ask for a Ottoman! GUPTA MUHAMMAD HASSAN and SADIK ADNAN consistently, so it's probably wise to get the former to calm down his flaring temper. The latter will probably pick on him but still act in a somewhat fatherly manner towards your Little! Greece. He hasn't developed his random napping schedule yet so it's quite understandable that one may want to send him back, considering his temper length and emo mood. Call Customer Service to send him back.

Problem: Your HERACLES KARPUSI unit has lost his cross (surprisingly, considering it's so big), and is tearing the house piece from piece to find it.

Solution: Oh dear. That cross holds an enormous amount of sentimental value to your HERACLES KARPUSI unit and he will not stop at anything to find it. Are there any SADIK ADNAN units close by? He might've taken it for the sole purpose of bothering HERACLES KARPUSI. You can track him down and ask him for the cross (kindly, please). If he says no, cry in front of him about how important your HERACLES KARPUSI unit is to you and how much it distresses you to see him ripping your house apart. He should give in by then. If there are no SADIK ADNAN units close enough to swipe the cross, distract your HERACLES KARPUSI unit with something (preferably kitties, but KIKU HONDA units and liquor also work), and buy an exact copy from Customer Services for that time being.

**End Notes**

With enough patience, cat food, and dance music, your HERACLES KARPUSI unit will prove to be the best companion anyone could ever have! If not, he should come around sooner or later. It very difficult to provoke him into leaving you and even if he does, he'll probably come back out of guilt. We hope that you and your unit can form a long lasting friendship, even if you two have difficulties getting along initially. Happy bonding!

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**MY BACK HURTS SO MUCH**

**Fustenella- a form of traditional Greek wear developed under the Ottoman rule.  
**


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